Scotland, which is full of drunks, invented a sport that is the most boring, pretentious waste of space in modern history. Golf. I've never played, though i did get thrown off a miniature golf course once.
Nothing amuses me more than flying over arid desert regions like Las Vegas and seeing miles of golf courses. Aquifers are being drained as they pump millions of gallons to grow grass in the desert. Areas of Costa Rica that were once pristine jungle have been mowed down so fat Americans can play golf. Golf is an environmental disaster, requiring literally tons of fertilizer and other noxious chemicals that run off and pollute local rivers and streams.

But hey - if you like golf, more power to you. It's a free country. I have plenty of friends that love it and think my sports are lame.

The US Open is going on right now, and pamphlets are at each seat on the Long Island Rail Road for people that are heading out to Bethpage to watch pros play golf. Here is the list of rules. Boy does this sound like a mind numbing boring day

• No Cell Phones (including cell phones with photographic capabilities)
• No PDAs and/or other Portable Email Devices
• No Noise Producing Electronic Devices (including MP3 Players)
• No Cameras and/or Camcorders
• No Bags larger than 8"W X 8"H X 8"D in their natural state
• No Cases and/or Covers (such as chair or umbrella covers)
• No Signs, Posters and/or Banners
• No Televisions and/or Radios unless provided by the USGA
• No Food and/or Beverages
• No Containers and/or Coolers
• No Pets (other than service animals)
• No Lawn and/or Folding Armchairs
• No Bicycles
• No Ladders and/or Step-Stools or other similar items
• No Metal-spiked Golf Shoes
• No Weapons (regardless of permit, including but not limited to, firearms or knives)
• No other items deemed unlawful or dangerous by the USGA and/or Championship Security Personnel, in their sole discretion

No weapons? Really? Do you really need to pack heat on a golf course? Is that a high crime area?

Any sport that you can't watch with a beer in one hand and your cell phone in the other while yelling "You Suck" at the players isn't a sport to me.

posted by lazlow at 9:00 AM  on Thursday, June 18, 2009