You got something you want to say to Lazlow? Send him an email.

Q&A

Hi Lazlow!!!

I love your radio stations in the GTA-series! They're just great!! I love them like an ice-cream without salt.
What the hell does that mean?

-I wanna ask whether the pictures of you in GTA are similar to you. I, I think they look
like you although I haven't ever seen your in real.

-Do you play GTA, too? If yes, since which game?
Whichever one I just finished working on.

-Which other radio station do you like ( without yours )?

-Is Fernando a real person? If yes, do you like him?
Frank Chavez, who plays Fernando, is real. He and I have been friends for a long time.

-Are these histories of you in GTA real? That you were thrown out da school? Or are these just "Don't ask Fiction" of Rockstar games?
Some is real, some is fake, like a supermodel.

These were the questions of me.

Thank you for reading this.


Fan of you
Gutbier Simon

JARI HOKKANEN From: Finaland

Good day and something...

I just play GTA SA and i must say that you ppl on radio chanel producer: You do god damn god job! Only one thing is wrong: Too little Lazlow! I like to hear moore Lazlow. And that talk radio WCTR that show was too short. Some good jokes but nothing like GTA3 and Vice City. Andy Dick on Maurice, little scary ;) first that voice anoing my little bit but then i get use to it. Your interwiev with that Rap Rap dude Og Log or whatever. I laught like somebody "who laughts a lot"
Other radio stations are good but i like moore Vice City 80 radio's. I like to listen those talk radios when i do cab job and those other odd jobs.

So keep it good, playah! (like a winamp) "nerdie joke"


JARI HOKKANEN
From: Finaland

Ps: If you remember that i e-mailed you before and say somthing about how i wana be radio jockey and work on radio. Now i do :D i got a intern job on our localradio :)

Here’s an update from JARI, sent 3/05

Hi.

Im your wierd e-mail section. And i hope that you can take my name off those mails. Because i have been get thease prank calls and prank letter abaut that.

JARI HOKKANEN

Jari, it isn’t my fans calling you. That’s your exgirlfriend.

yOU rOCK!!

yOU rOCK!!
REBEL ROUSER HELL RAISER
gTA viCE cITY
V ROCK
hOME oF tHE vULTURE

Smokey & the Bandit

Dude!

Your Technofile column in the Dec. 16-22 edition of the Press pertaining to Smokey and the Bandit... Burt Reynolds car was a black '77 TRANS AM, *not* Camaro! How dare you confuse the most mundane (ok, that was the Mustang) of musclecards with the Terrific Trans Am!?

LOL... seriously, that was a grevious error! Keep up the good work with GTA: San Andreas, bro!

Scott Mosher
http://www.theambientmind.com

The President

From: "philip badome"
To:
Subject: The President

I was reading your article on the Smart Car, a German import you old patriot you. And you're knocking Bush because he stumbles over his words? Too bad you had to insert your liberal crap at the beginning of the article, and add so many "stupids".
Stick to your "Grand Theft" stuff because that article in the Long Island Press made you sound...well, you know.

Philip,

Liberal? I do expect the leader of the free world to be a bit eloquent, and not say things like "Our priorities is our faith." Or “if most of the breaks go to wealthy people it's because 'most of the people who pay taxes are wealthy." I’ve done volunteer work for John McCain’s various initiatives. He may be the last politician with guts.

Bored

From: "Natalie ..."
To: lazlow@lazlow.com

hey lazlow,

i was extremely bored, so i went to this name site on line and i looked up your name.

i found it spelled the orthodox way, but it still works, i guess.

here it is:

LÁSZLÓ
Gender: Masculine
Usage: Hungarian
Pronounced: LAHS-lo [key]
Extra Info: Related Names, Namesakes, Name Days
Options: Contribute Information
Hungarian form of VLADISLAV. Saint László was an 11th-century king of Hungary, looked upon as the embodiment of Christian virtue and bravery.



and heres mine...just for fun:

NATALIE
Gender: Feminine
Usage: French, English
Pronounced: nat-a-LEE (French), NAD-a-lee (English) [key]
Extra Info: Popularity, Related Names, Namesakes, Name Days
Options: Contribute Information
From the Late Latin name Natalia, which meant "Christmas Day" from Latin natale domini.



like i said, i was extremely bored.

plus im tired...so ou cant blame me for too much...i think...



later!

-Natalie

Expecting Parent

Dear Lazlow,

i thought you were superb in GTA:III and you rocked on Vice City. Was glad to hear you when i got San Andreas too. My girlfriend has jst announced that she is pregnant and as you usually do we have been going through names and one name that i keep throwing in is LAZLOW. I live in England and it is
becoming a little mad with child names at the moment. When i was born you were more or less guaranteed to either know or go to school with someone with the same name as you. Now you are lucky if you here another child with the same name as the kid next door. Back to the point. If we have a boy could we use the name Lazlow. I have chosen it because it is an awesome name and also due to you. The GTA series just wouldnt be the same without your contribution.

I look forward to your reply.

Kind regards,

Dear expecting parent,

When your child comes to consciousness and realizes they are named after a dork who appears in a video game they can’t even play till they’re 17, it’s sure to cause some serious issues down the line. A fan named his cat Lazlow and it got run over. Beware. With the name comes great responsibility.

weird fan quote

“i like u more than eminem even though he’s my favorite rapper”

-The salyer-

Hello!

Ai just read your newsletter archives....I laugh my ass off!
Hey man you can write!
Becouse you, i am radio/journalism school and studie radio and studio technics thats cool! I try to get summerjob on radio's but i don't get it! Thats suck!

Hey...I heard abaut new gta ar you in it? I hope so...Because you can rock! I yesterday play vice city with my friend and he newer heard those radio chanels on game...I make him listen v-rock and he laught like hell...i all most have to call mentalhospital :)

Now i have to go to sauna and get some beer! Keep it cood!


JARI HOKKANEN
-The salyer-

Cheating Girlfriend

From: Scorned4Differ00
Date: Mon, 28 Jul 2003 16:51:03 EDT
Subject: help
To: lazlow@lazlow.com
X-Mailer: 8.0 for Windows sub 6014

Hey, I need some advice. I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. How? I caught her kissing some other guy while he's pinching her in the ass. I dunno if I should break this down to my girlfriend. What do you think I should do?

dear scorned,

i am a technology journalist. i am also a producer. this has nothing to do with relationship therapy. i recommend you quit your job, see a therapist, get a gallon of ice cream, and watch dr. phil.

-lazlow

Order for Dryer

From: kate
To: lazlow@lazlow.com
Reply-To: kateg
Subject: Urgent order
Date: Tue, 08 Jul 2003 17:22:10 +0100


Dear sir,

i hereby introduce myself as a businessman into the selling of electronics. my company name is Electronica ltd. sir,i will like to order for some hand dryer from your store. we need a quotation for 10 dryers for model (America"A" series) shippimg via ups express to Nigeria.

so sir,i await the total cost for the order so i can proceed with the payment via credit card. thanks.

kate.

Manager.



kate,


thanks for your email. firstly, you have a girls name, which doesn’t fly well over here. you should see how fired up people got over the recent supreme court decision. i don’t know what makes you think i sell hand dryers. i’m the kind of guy who snickers every time i see that someone has scratched the letters “o-n” to make the hand dryer instructions read “press butt, rub hands together under warm air.” also, you live in an area where people have “monsoon season” written across their calendars. why dry your hands when they’re just going to get wet again?

i think you have bigger issues to worry about.



-lazlow

No reason for gas

Dear Lazlow, I believe there is no reason for gas powered engines any longer.

This is my reasoning:

First, my credentials.. I have a degree in electrical engineering. I've worked for Gould Industrial battery division in the 80's and worked on electromotive power systems for Environmental Tectonics Corp in the late 80's early 90's. Ive designed switching power supplies and computer controlled motive devices. I've worked with various types of batteries, magnetics and motors.

Based on those credentials, I can confidently state that based on today's battery technology, and advances in electronics, computerization, and computerized power conservation methodology, there is absolutely no reason

Why we cannot have a practical, working, and inexpensive fully electric car. I cannot understand why when gas is so expensive and harmful to the environment, why we need to continue to belch filth into the air. It just doesn't make any sense.

-DJ Rush

Mr. Rush,

I agree with you. If the computer industry followed the same logic as the fossil fuel industry, we'd be without PCs these days. The automotive/oil industry has fought against progress because conservation doesn't make them rich. We recommend a hybrid automobile. They get around 70 mpg. We're currently in the process of installing solar panels so our offices use no fossil fuels to run the computers and AC. Guess why your power company and oil executive presidents haven't publicized the technology that makes you less dependent on fossil fuels. The sun is free. You can be too.

u r hillarious

From: kakarot2

u r hillarious in gta 3! i was just wondering r u the voice of kermit the frog? i just heard u and kermit and u both sounded very similar! i dont want 2 offend u i am just curious!

I don't even know how to answer this. Let me start by saying that I've never been compared to Jim Henson. I do sound a little like Kermit. And in college I went out with Miss Piggy.

Drunken Ramblings

From: A A
To: lazlow@lazlow.com

Dearest Lazlow,

Let me first begin by saying that I am drunk. I
have this sort of problem that I hope you may be able
to answer.

Neither of my two regular answer groups ( the
illustrious www.yahwehbenyahweh.com and the world
conquering www.chook.net) seem to share my concern -
so I look to you, my bronze medal of sorts, for
assistance.

I have this rash near my groin. I checked it out
through my doctor and he assured me it wasn't an STD.
However, I still think it looks rather shady, and I
really don't know how many lady-friends would believe
my (legitimate) explaination of 'glorified diaper
rash'. It is of utmost concern to me. What do you
reccomend?

Sincerely,
Me

Best Complaint Evar

Here's the best complaint letter I've seen in a while. It's from a listener in Connecticut.-laz

Dear Michael Dell:

Thank you, and thank everyone at your fine company for your prompt and efficient service in repairing my Inspiron 7500 laptop computer.

I was pleasantly surprised by the way my computer kept shutting down without notice. How clever for it to just stop working when it overheated! I know it's probably just a silly suggestion, but you might want to consider having some sort of diagnostic or a notice that the computer shut down because it was overheating.

Fortunately, I spoke with several of your fine customer service representatives, one of whom finally suggested that I send the machine in to
have the motherboard replaced. All of the others quickly agreed that I could find the solution myself on the dell website - that is, once my laptop cooled down to the point where it would run for more than five minutes before conking out again. By the way, I really do enjoy listening to Selena for 45 minutes while I wait for one of your technical repair specialists to get back from the bathroom.

The best part was the speed with which my laptop was returned. I put the machine in an Airborne Express box on a Wednesday afternoon, and just 40 hours later it was returned and signed for.

Now, all I have to do is find "P Marino" in Norwalk CT. "P" signed for the box. Again, a silly suggestion, but you might want to use the street address I gave you when filling out the return labels. I checked the directory at my company and couldn't find a P Marino, and didn't find one in the Norwalk phone book either. Fortunately, the weather is nice this
afternoon, so I can wander the streets of Norwalk calling out for P Marino and get some exercise, and maybe even get a tan, too!

GTA3?

Lazlow, is that you in the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto 3?


Yes. Thanks to Love Media.

Fireworks in Wisconsin?

Date: Sun, 24 Jun 2001 08:49:50 -0500
From: "Liz and Gabe"

Where in Wisconsin can I buy fireworks?

Dear Liz or Gabe,

You must really be desperate for explosives if you're emailing me. Laws vary from state to state. Fireworks may not even be legal in your state. But then again, the Internat has made contraband accessable with just a click and a credit card. Try here for a list of companies that sell fireworks online. -laz

Gateway Woes

From: Tom Aldrich

Lazlow,

I usually hear you everyday on the radio and today was the Gateway tech support bit. I had heard another bit about Gateway before, and I was just wondering why you dislike them so much? Just curious. -ANON

Funny you should ask. My Gateway laptop died yesterday. This was the replacement for the first one I bought. After shelling out $2,000 for a Gateway laptop, it died 3 times within the first 6 months. Each time I was on the phone with Gateway tech support for hours. I would ship it back, and it would come back more fouled up than the time before. After weeks of this I aksed for a new computer. No way, they said. I reported about the problems on air and suddenly got a new laptop via fedex. Guess you have to be on the radio complaining to have someone pay attention.

Gateway is not alone. Companies throw computers together and then put consumers through days and weeks of nonsense when they crash after 2 weeks. If computer companies were held up to the same standards as car companies, they would be forced to fix their defective products.

-laz

If you have a problem with your computer, email me! maybe we'll call them on the air. lazlow@lazlow.com

Free Anti-Virus Protection

TomChris wrote:

Thanks for the email back, I have another question for you... i am looking for free Virus Scan/Protection program... do they exist, and are they any good? Let me know.

Thanks
Chris

You may want to try download.com. there are numerous free antivirus software packages. i do worry at their ability to stay on top of new viruses. a norton package may be the best solution. you can usually get the software free and then pay to clean when a virus is detected. on that note, many recent viruses are written for microsoft outlook, the software equivalent of putting sticks of dynamite outside your house and hoping nobody walks by and lights them. if you use outlook, i'd switch. 100% of hackers i talk to agree.

hope that helps.

laz

IOMEGA Woes

From: erik.jeffreys
To:lazlow@lazlow.com

Lazlow:

I am having big time trouble with IOMEGA and ADAPTEC. The IOMEGA Zip650 CD writer I recently purchased came with Adaptec CD writer software. The software doesn't work properly, not allowing me to copy disks that I create with ADAPTEC software from files on my hard drive. When I contacted IOMEGA, they were at a loss, and told me to contact ADAPTEC. Adaptec want $35.00 to answer a question since its an IOMEGA CD drive which they say they don't support, but only provide the software for.

Either way, I cannot record CD's and I am not happy......

Please help

Thanks
Erik

Well, Erik, it is not Adaptec that is the problem. It is Iomega. And as usual they are ducking the issue. They make shoddy equipment. I'd get my money back and buy a CD burner from another company.

OK, on to other insanity:

Subject: Not funny
Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 16:05:17 -0400
From: 968
To:

You seem to think that there is something funny about those men being trapped in the submarine, for that matter that poor kid Elian being turned into a media star. There is nothing funny about either of these things.I will be unsubscribeing.


Dear 968,

The Russian submarine tradgedy is not funny. The way the media treated Elian is not funny. Elian trapped in a Russian submarine, now that's friggin funny.

-laz

email lazlow@lazlow.com